I just found out my stapler is broken, so I went online to find a new one. That’s when I discovered “The Red Stapler”, a big, heavy, old-school model by Swingline. The best part? The text that accompanies it on the Swingline web site:

Up the Revolution: The Red Stapler! Staple and be heard! WHAM-cubicles! WHAM-dress code! WHAMWHAMWHAM! By popular demand, we´re offering this desk stapler in screaming, gleaming red.

How can I not get one?